Thursday, 3 July 2014

TURNING 25

In just a few days I will be turning 25, having lived 9125 days on planet earth. That is quite a long time. If you do the math it is 219000 hours...HOLD ON... of which come to think of it I have most probably slept through half of it ...damn... This wasnt what I had intended to write about.

Anyways, frankly I still feel I am stuck somewhere at 21 or 22...ok fine 23 atleast. Its hard for me to think I will be 25 soon in just a matter of few days. I remember as a kid thinking woahhhh 25 .... thats a huge number. Having aspirations and dreams that I am going to do this, go there and own that etc etc by the time I turn 25. Well guess what it doesnt work that way because just in between that entire period LIFE happens to you. So you might not do or have all that you would have thought that you will do or have or with some people maybe you never thought at all or with some maybe you have more than you ever thought you would have. 

In my case, I  look back and see and the whole journey seems worth it. From being a little kid to a naive and confused teenager to growing up and learning the ways of the world, everything ..all of it has taught me something or the other in some way.It has made me who I am today and thankfully I like myself for me,except a few things which is normal I guess. So I felt this is one such time when you deserve to pen it down so you can read it later if incase you make the next two quarters or one, or just pen it down to appreciate the life that you have lived so far.

As you grow up, things get a teeny weeny bit complicated in life. When you are a kid all you worry about is your playtime and your cartoons and the birthday parties, I dont even remember getting tensed about exams until I got one or two from my mother dear. Being a kid, carefree and doing what you want without thinking about anything else is so much fun. Thinking the moon is following you wherever you go is one such awesome feeling. You have no idea whats coming next and thats the best part, you dont think about tomorrow. Then without knowing, you become a teenager.Puberty hits you, you are confused about many things, you do not know what you want to do later in life...you dont even know what you are doing at that time to be frank.All you know is you want to have fun, hang around with your friends and just do whatever you feel is right ...Oh and also you get into relationships. This is also the time when you start thinking every fling is love. Also the time you feel every relationship that lasts a bit longer than a few months or a year you are so marrying that guy/girl. And not to forget this is the time you have like serious crushes on your seniors/batchmates and whoever you find worth looking. I have seen some of my friends, they could do anything to get a glimpse of their crushes during the lunch breaks haha.This also happens to be the period of mini heartbreaks for some. But noone will deny they would want to go back anyday and switch places with a teenager. 

Then once you come out of it before you know it, you are in college figuring whats best for your future and making career decisions. Thinking about what you want to do tomorrow and where you want to see yourself. I think once you are at that stage, the journey after will always be about figuring out what to do next and how to do it and whats best, atleast for me it has been this way. We will always be thinking about what next and whats best for me and so on.

But while we do all of that I've realised, apart from just surviving you also need to LIVE. You need to be strong enough to handle what life throws at you...tough situations, broken friendships, major heartbreaks. You need to be able to take the hate and betrayals with grace (or well without it  can do too) and just let go of few things that were not supposed to be. Accept what life has in store for you and learn from it. Its never going to be easy but if you know how to appreciate the good things in life and look at the positive side, there will always be a silver lining and a beautiful tomorrow waiting for you. You need to loosen up when needed and buck up when required. You need to give what you expect to get. Love fearlessly, love selflessly and  most importantly love like a kid and always be grateful for what you have.

Today I look back and I see so many people who have inspired me in so many ways...my family, my friends, my teachers. I have so many people who love me and will always love me for me. I have enough kickass memories to carry to my grave already.Turning 25 actually doesnt feel so bad anymore. This post turned out to be something else than just recollection, it somehow has hope in it. With the way I've lived my first 25 I think the next might just be more fun. So bring it on next quarter, I am so ready for you. WOOOHOOO....

-Niwa.

Monday, 20 May 2013

Rest In Peace

Little one... I did not know you personally but the news of your demise was one of the saddest news I have had to hear and I dont know why so much that I had to write about it. Everyday someone dies, here and there and we get news but I cannot answer myself why am I feeling so sad and numb? I didn't even know you. I spent the whole day thinking about it even though I did not want to. It was painful indeed.

I finally got my answers... maybe I know why or maybe I still dont.

First things first, I just want to say sorry to you and your family because you came to our place and loved it like your own.You made friends here and I can see they loved you a lot. I get a strong feeling that you were those types for whom region and caste and color did not matter and I would want to keep my thoughts about you that ways. You thought it was safe for you but some heartless people proved it wrong and I am so sorry , you had to leave this way. How much it must have hurt you that your body could not take it any longer. I am sorry brother for the pain u felt ...I guess after sometime you did not even know what was hurting you.

I cant begin to imagine how it must be for your family and your little sisters. I have a brother too, maybe that is why I felt it a lil bit more. The Rakhi, that they will never get to tie again around your wrist, I am sorry for your sisters brother... noone can fill the void you have left behind. I cant imagine how your Mother must be feeling, those 9 months she kept you in her womb and all those years she protected you and see what she was made to see because of some ruthless humans. Should I even call them humans?I hope you wished your mom "Happy Mother's Day" this year brother. I am sorry for your dad who must have thought you will fulfill all his dreams someday and take care of them when they grow old, who had dreams of seeing you be a MAN someday. And I am sorry for all your relatives and loved ones for whom you must have meant so much, meant the world.

You know brother another reason I felt so much for you is  because I have friends like you who dont belong to my state but that was never an issue for us because friendship is above it all, love is above it all.I saw my juniors' fb shares where I could see what a lovely, young and happy boy you were. The whole day I got shivers thinking it could have been them too and it is not like I was glad it wasnt them ...it made me even sadder thinking you were just like them to your friends as they are to me. It made me question arent my friends from other states safe in my own place or not? and I felt disheartened and sad and ashamed like I havent felt before. 

I am sorry brother you had to leave this way. There is a lot of commotion I assume going on back in my  hometown. People playing blame games, bringing racism, regionalism, caste, creed, politics, status and what not into it and maybe even blaming you for your death but the fact remains ...you are gone, you have left.There is not going to be another Rakshit Singh (DJ as your frens call u I see) for your family, your friends and your loved ones. Even though it is going to be painful ,I pray God gives strength to your family. I pray you find heaven if there is one, I hope when it all went dark your pain went away with it too. God Bless you kid ...wherever you are, whoever you were ...may he keep you happy. I hope how much of life you lived so far, everyday was a blessing for you, nothing less than you would have ever wanted. Your loved ones are going to miss you a lot, if you happen to bump into God just tell him it wasnt fair and before you tell him to punish those rascals tell him to take care of your loved ones first.

And dont worry about the ruthless monsters who did this to you...Karma will strike them down, sooner or later.Infact they should live everyday with the guilt of what they did. At last, Thank You brother for making me realise how much I love my friends and how much one should value time with their loved ones. And knowing from your friends I can certainly say that you do know every mother did cry, every sister, every father, every friend, every brother did feel sad hearing about what you went through irrespective of which place they belong to...every human being who has a heart did pray for you.

Rest in Peace brother....Rest in Peace.



Saturday, 6 April 2013

Million Dreams...One Life

At times I stand still and look around, I feel like everything around me is moving and I am frozen, fixed to the ground...thats the time my mind usually gets questions about WHAT IF's and WHY NOT's...Some think I think a lot,some think I cant plan things. Is it because of the fact that I feel I have so many things to do still that I cant plan? Sometimes you are an inspiration for someone, sometimes you are letting someone down...So many dreams to fulfill, So many roles to play...So many things u have done and So many you feel you could have done or yet to do.Flashbacks of bygone times...an ounce of tension about the future.One life and so many TO-DO's. 

Some people...plain simple dreamers, some people too practical to dream what they think they cant have.Different mindsets, different attitudes...different human beings. 

Some people wish "I wish I was a celebrity" and Some people wish "I wish I was a celebrity's kid" haha...Funny how people want things their own way...guess thats diversity in the true meaning of it :P.

Maybe its just not me...Everyone thinks at a point of time MAYBE this wasn't where i was supposed to be...Maybe I can do better or Maybe I dont deserve it as well hehe...

Guess every human being has millions of dreams...some dream about money,some about fame,some about just gaining love and some just to play the game. 

Million Dreams set in one's eyes...Sadly just one life : / .

FRIDAY, AUGUST 3, 2012(from the old blog)

TITANIC

So when I say 'TITANIC',everyone goes back thinking about the romantic movie with Leonardo Di Caprio and Kate Winslet in it...the icebergs,the water and ofcourse...the people that actually went through the tragic incident.Since 27th Nov 2011...when I hear the word 'TITANIC',all that comes to my mind is a huge icecream...having different flavours of ice-creams piled on top of each other and to support it different flavours of wafers,with fumes coming out of somewhere from the bottom....huge and extravagant,if not for the wafers the Titanic would have melted off n fallen(just like it did many years ago in the ocean) before landing in me n my 6 crazy friends stomach...So to avoid the destruction of da falling Titanic,we decided to have a competition( 3 vs 3) with 2 titanics already ordered...1 of my friend ate wafers...dont know why.So anyways the competiton started and we went head on at 3 in the morning after a Friday movie night( to be specific,the movie was 'BREAKING DAWN-1'...heart u Jacob :) )...the competition got so fierce that in the end we had chunks of icecream in our mouths n were pushing da cold cold thing down our throats...my upper palate was numb.But the rush at the moment to win the thing was so intense that we were ignorant of it all....atleast for that moment :)...looking at each other,stopping our laughter,avoiding getting choked and our eyeballs trying to pop out but nevertheless,not stopping to eat..And finally ...the icecream pile reached base and then we discovered there was jam and fruits and jelly and what not (all tasty things) at the bottom of the pile...which was a good treat in the end after the cold feat we just had.The result was my group won..buhahahhaha.....
                       Altogether...it was fun and Titanic will remind me of the icecream( at OHRI's) now,a tasty treat and more tastier with friends to share with...For all these years it reminded me of the classic movie but now I am reminded of my numb and cold upper palate :P ...and a really really cold nose and a fun fun Friday night.
Love :)



MONDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2011( from the old blog)

CREDIT CARD

So finally I get this call that tells me "Ma'am ur credit card is done."....I had cut da call first thinking the number was my mobile network's customer care.First the bank made my life hell...continuously calling me abt dis service dat i didnt want or wanted to stay away from for my own good.Then came a time when I needed it so much esp seein my frens gettin it n buying new n sexy android touch phones n the works...I started calling the bank but was tired out soon :P....and now ur here.Credit Card ...I had been waiting for u since a long time....Where were u wen i needed u most??? Now dat ur finally here I dont know weda I rly want u or not...cuz keeping u is like putting myself into debt.My desire to shop and get pretty things for myself will only have a more solid foot now...damn...I hope ur not here to make me happy in the beginning and then later not just sad but saddest in the end... :P ...Nevertheless...I welcome u cuz who knows wat i mit end up likin tom and my debit c. doesnt work.I'll always have u :) hahahaha.....



FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2011 ( from the old blog)

HEAD HELD HIGH

I stand tall wid ma head held high
When I look back I give a happy sigh
Whatever I am as of today
I like what I see cuz m proud to b dis way
Never a compromise,I did what I had to do
whether ppl felt I was right or wrong
never mattered to me too
Thats the reason maybe why
When I look back, I give a happy sigh
I stand tall wid ma head held high


Location:My cubicle (Office)
Time:12:06 pm
:) .... sometimes words just flow....maybe the lines r not right maybe the rhymes dont really go but then its just abt me writing wat I want :) ...feels nice to cum up wid sumthing all of a sudden and pour out wat u feel in 5 mins ...nice....should write more often here



WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2011 (from the old blog)

The place that I belong

18th Sept 2011...a day that not one Sikkimese will forget...nor will the people of the nearly affected areas.It changed the whole way of how I used to look at things.Life is short...smile,live,b carefree but when it comes to your loved ones it doesn't remain carefree anymore...and for that matter not just your loved ones...your homeland.Somewhere down I always knew I loved my hometown and I was patriotic(but hadn't done anything worth proving it) but when something like this happens u actually know the intensity of the feelings u have towards things.6.8 on the richter scale they say and the epicentre in my own state...my family and friends all over the state...and me out here 2 (sumthing) thousand kms away wondering,worrying,trying to get a freaking connection through my mobile phone so I could breathe easy.All my frens away from home calling each other out of despair...voices cracking,looking for some peace in each others voice...so lost,so grave...the feeling was a total pain.Tears didn't stop streaming down my cheeks.After an hour or two we get in contact with our families...only to know they are out in the rain,cold and the pitch darkness.The scared voices of my kidbro n babysis numbs me for sometime...how I wish I was there for them when they needed me.After the call ...still nothings fine...stayed up watching news all night,the same news repeating but still didn't tire me out.The next day's gone...still the fear lingers on.Death toll rising minute by minute...I never thought this would happen to my Gangtok,my Sikkim...and makes me realise how much I love it.This particular incident amplified my emotions,doubled my fears ...made me fall in love more with the place that i belong :'( .

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2011 ( from the old blog)